Even More Spike Milligan Side Splitters

Some random jokes, poems and quips from the master of quirky and surreal himself … Mr Spike Milligan …

Money can’t buy friends but it can get you a better class of enemy
Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions.
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard

Sardine Submarine A baby sardine saw his first submarine, He was scared so looked through a peephole. “Oh come, come, come”, said the sardine’s mum, “It’s only a tin full of people”!

Say Bazonka every day That’s what my grandma used to say It keeps at bay the Asian Flu And both your elbows free from glue. So say Bazonka every day (That’s what my grandma used to say) Don’t say it if your socks are dry! Or when the sun is in your eye! Never say it in the dark (The word you see emits a spark) Only say it in the day (That’s what my grandma used to say) Young Tiny Tim took her advice He said it once, he said it twice he said it till the day he died And even after that he tried To say Bazonka! every day Just like my grandma used to say. Now folks around declare it’s true That every night at half past two If you’ll stand upon your head And shout Bazonka! from your bed You’ll hear the word as clear as day Just like my grandma used to say!

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Author: Robert

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