Spike Milligan Side Splitters

Some random jokes, poems and quips from the master of quirky and surreal himself … Mr Spike Milligan …


I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
I’m not afraid of dying I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

A Silly Poem
Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I’ll draw a sketch of thee, What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?


On the Ning Nang Nong
On the Ning Nang Nong Where the Cows go Bong! and the monkeys all say BOO! There’s a Nong Nang Ning Where the trees go Ping! And the tea pots jibber jabber joo. On the Nong Ning Nang All the mice go Clang And you just can’t catch ’em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning Trees go ping Nong Ning Nang The mice go Clang What a noisy place to belong is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

Aperitif : French for a set of dentures.

The Worlds Funniest Joke …*

Bentine: I just came in and found him lying on the carpet there.

Sellers: Oh, is he dead?

Bentine: I think so.

Sellers: Hadn’t you better make sure?

Bentine: All right. Just a minute.

Sound of two gun shots.

Bentine: He’s dead.

*Officially voted best joke of all time.

Author: Robert

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